Dear Inappropriately Dressed {Christian} Woman,
You know who you are!
Your pants are just a little too tight, your shirt just a little too low
cut, your heels just a little too high, your skirt reveals just a little too
much, your clothing clings in all the right places…and you are being
noticed! You are flattered, thrilled,
boosted in your confidence as a woman! Men are distracted and women are either
appalled or jealous or both! Your
outward beauty, which one day will fade, is actually your shortcoming! While you may be turning heads…you are not turning
hearts toward The One who, in the end, will be the final judge of your motives!
Dear Sisters in Christ,
I have desired to be this woman! I have desired to turn heads! I have desired to hold onto worldly beauty
and not cultivated the inner gentle quiet spirit that is true beauty! My motives have been born of hurt, insecurity, ignorance,
peer pressure. I am no longer this
woman! I am free of the grips of this
sin! I ask that any of you that know me
personally would point out an unintentional fashion indiscretion with the
promise it will be received with grace and gratitude!
Dear Mother,
Teach your children well!
Teach your boys to avert their eyes, thereby protecting their hearts! Train your girls that modesty is beautiful
and that true beauty points others to Christ! I believe we would do well to
point out the motivations of the heart when we do experience an unavoidable “eye
full”! Begin when they are young…remembering it’s never too late to start!
Dear Pastor,
Please address this issue!
Women need to hear it! Do not
fear being unpopular or old fashioned! Women and girls need to know that God’s
standards are not the world’s standards. Men and boys need tools and
understanding to protect themselves from falling to temptation. You are responsible
to impart this message to them! Be bold!
I so often hear, “only in America do we sexualize ________”! Well, welcome to America! If, in our culture, what you are wearing or
not wearing is causing another person to stumble, then you are responsible for
your actions! Of course, I recognize
that in certain areas of our country standards are different…but remember these
standards are still based on the world and not the fruit of righteousness. If you are living in another part of the
world...the same applies!
The other argument is, “I am not responsible if a man sins
when he looks at me.” And while it may
be true that you could be covered from head to toe and some men will still look
upon you inappropriately, if you are using this phrase as an excuse to dress
however you like, then you are guilty!
You will one day stand before the throne of the living God and be held
accountable for the intentions of your heart. {1 Samuel 16:7}
And if you're still reading, you may even be saying, "Well what is appropriate?" I think some of the answer to this question is obvious! But, there are lines that are discretionary, and that is where the heart comes in...your true, honest, heart! If your intent is to draw eyes toward your appearance and not toward your reflection of Christ then you probably should go change!
And if you're still reading, you may even be saying, "Well what is appropriate?" I think some of the answer to this question is obvious! But, there are lines that are discretionary, and that is where the heart comes in...your true, honest, heart! If your intent is to draw eyes toward your appearance and not toward your reflection of Christ then you probably should go change!
My challenge to women is for each of us to welcome at least
one other woman to hold us accountable!
Choose a friend, sister, mother, or older woman in the church and
encourage them to analyze your attire every time they see you and give them
permission to “tell you like it is!”
Pick someone you know will be honest…brutally honest! Then receive their opinion with grace!
Proverbs 27:17 “As iron sharpens iron, so one
man sharpens another.”
Proverbs 27:6 “Faithful are the
wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.”
As I've gotten into my 30s I've realized that covering up is
ReplyDeletea) more comfortable and I get more done when I'm not spending all day pulling on my clothing! With small children, I'm bending and picking things up all day...
b) actually more enticing! Why not leave a little mystery! I know my husband thinks it is esp enticing that HE gets to see things the rest of the world does not because I try to dress appropriately :)
One of the best investments in my comfort an modesty has been camisoles! Many very cute dresses that are not really appropriate on the rack are much more appropriate (and comfortable) when paired with a camisole. I also started wearing capris and they really are not that much warmer than regular shorts. I've found a knee length dress is even cooler than capris and still allows me to pick up the kids, etc.
Now if clothing manufacturers would stop making clothing see-through! It drives me crazy how much money they want for fabric I can see through....
Great tips!!! I love layering with camisoles!!!! Thanks for adding some practical ideas! I really think some women/girls just don't know where to start! Modesty does not have to mean dowdy!
DeleteGreat post Momma Cook! Greetings from Cali!
ReplyDeleteHeather! I bet you really see more of this issue in California!
DeleteLora, thank you so much for speaking boldly and truthfully on a subject that few are willing to touch!
ReplyDeleteSwim suits are an area that the Lord has really spoken to me about this summer. I found myself asking, "When did it become ok, biblically or even socially, to walk around in public basically wearing just a bra and underwear?" But then came the thought, "Even though my suit does cover my stomach, is it really much better?" A quick look at my girls gave me the answer- rash guards or swim shirts! THey are super cute and keep you well covered. My challenge now is to find shorts that match. :) I feel that in the privacy of your own yard you can wear whatever, but when others are around we need to remember that our bodies are for our husbands, whether now or our future husbands, and not for the viewing of others!
Here is a site that gives some great tips on making sure your clothes are appropriate and ways that may help fix it if they aren't. Just click on the TWO different "Truth or Bare?" links-
http://purefreedom.org/media.htm
Thanks again Lora!
Kari Termont
Thanks Kari!!! I think sometimes the resources are out there, we just don't know where to find them!
DeleteAlthough I do agree with the subject, I find myself asking where is the line drawn? It's obvious when one small movement can make a woman spill out of her low cut top, but I do not think it's sinful to be happy with the body you were given. Obviously shorts/dresses that are inches from 'the goods' and shirts that are plunging are innaproppriote, but I think it's important to make sure we also touch on being happy with the body that God has given us (in a way that pleases him, of course). We should take care to point out that you can still enhance your beauty modestly to not look frumpy/tired etc, without crossing that line :)
ReplyDeleteI definetly have been thinking the same about my swim suit! I bought a sexy one, because I had finally started working out and wanted to show it off, but I realized my husband wasn't so excited about my wanting to share, so it really put into perspective that what I wear affects how people look at me. Good post, most women need to take a hard look at their wardrobe!
Great points!
DeleteI agree that we should still be aware of dressing "beautifully"...frumpy or dowdy does not attract the world to know Christ...in fact it may turn them away with the thoughts, "if that what being a Christian means, no thanks!"
Men can also role model good behavior to their sons. Teaching them respectful behavior and language toward all women/girls no matter how they are dressed.
ReplyDeleteAgreed! We recently had a neighbor boy over who stepped out of the room when we were changing our 18 month old out of her swimsuit. It really made me aware of training them to avert their eyes!
DeleteYou speak so much about motive, saying they will be judged for their motives behind how they dress by God, and in all of that I think I lost you, what is your motive behind this post?
ReplyDeleteI see seeds of truth, but your tone conveys a lot of human judgement--just as sinful as the ones wearing offensive clothing.
Anonymous - your comment of "seeds to truth" brings to mind one of Christ's parables (Mat 7:16) that applies excellently to this situation... Christ teaches that we can know the heart by the fruit it produces; brambles will not grow grapes - etc. So, if the "fruit" of a woman dressing provocatively is everyone looking at her then her fruit gives her intention. Her intention is to put herself up, as Christians we are to put Christ up. When we want others to look at us, we are wanting the worship, much like the fallen angel tempted Christ in Luke 4:7. We are made in God's image - and that is wonderful and beautiful - but we are to reflect His greatness and cause others to seek Him. I think Lora's post was a good reminder to Christian women to "walk their walk" - and one that applies to men as well – me included! It is too easy to relax or slide back into behavior that does not glorify our Lord. I think Lora's post was both a reminder and challenge to Christian women to remember that not only does this behavior not glorify God, but that God will hold us accountable for causing others to stumble - and that is NOT something to look forward to on Judgment Day!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your insight, I agree we are to sharpen one another! And in doing so we ought to remind each other as well not to judge others who do not meet our standards of modesty.
DeleteI doubt it was her intent to cast judgement. Just as it seems she has many followers, and this is a modern issue, it does not glorify Christ for all those we teach modesty to then carry their piety and judge everyone as if they were on a pedestal. It is so common, judgement that is (although, lack of modesty as well) that I feel a dose of one is good with the other.
Anonymous...assuming you are the same anonymous as above...
DeleteDefinitely not my intent to cast judgement, hence the mention of the intent or motive of the heart! Because modesty is such an issue of discretionary lines, then our measuring stick for ourselves would be our reasoning behind what we are wearing. Like Ken said above, if our intent is to draw others eyes toward ourselves, thereby distracting from our Creator, then we need to change what we are wearing...even if it falls within the "lines" of modest! Also the reason for the challenge, because sometimes, we will convince ourselves that we really are innocent of desiring the attention, when another woman can usually see right through us! {No pun intended!}
And you are right...all sins are equal...judgement, immodesty, murder, aldultery! If you are a new follower to my blog, please go back through some of my previous posts...hopefully you will find clear evidence of my heart for women! I have no other intention than to exude the love of Christ and exhort them to excellence in Him!
Anonymous - AMEN! one of my favorite quotes is from the old DC Talk band - they open a song with a saying that is essentially: the biggest problem with Christianity is the Christians. Those of us that in our zeal to follow Christ bring our old sins into our faith and continue them... being judgemental before, and now using the OT law to validate our judgement now... still a sin. Christ did not come to judge, and neither should we - or we'll be judged by the same ruler we are using. ugh - it's always easier to help others after we remove the log from our own eye. Talk about not being able to see the forest for the trees! :)Great points!
DeleteHey, curious inquisition: what constitutes "heels that are a little too high"? I never even considered them as an article of clothing that would be an issue! Great post! Thanks
ReplyDeleteGreat question...exactly why I mention the motives of the heart! For some...heels simply are adding a height advantage to their otherwise "atmospherically challenged" stature. :) For others, it is to create an image that would purposefully draw the eye toward their legs...add a short skirt, and the eye follows the lines...see what I'm saying? The height of the heels is probably different for everyone...
DeleteBeautiful post Mama Cook, the heart's intent is truly examined here.
ReplyDeleteEvery society, every country, every era and generation has a different definition of modesty. Not 75 years ago, it would have been immodest to wear pants--versus a skirt--and then, skirts were not to show ankles, much different than what you see today.
Oh that we were Eskimos and did not have to worry about this issue of modesty! I'm sure, they too have their discrepancies.
Exactly!!! I am certain that I wear things today that my more conservative sisters in Christ would consider offensive. And there are women in my church that wear things that I find inappropriate, but they have no intent of drawing someone's eyes to themselves. It is definitely a heart matter! {Well, and maybe a training matter...as sometimes mothers will allow their girls to wear things that they themselves do not find appropriate in order to allow them to be fashionable...} Thanks for commenting!
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