Wednesday, November 16, 2011

My Number One Marriage Tip {with some tips for "singles"}...

First, I want to check in and see how you are all doing on the challenge I presented a couple of weeks ago?  Honestly, I’m still praying that God will make the holding of my tongue a habit and not something I need to focus on daily!  I’ve not done perfectly.  In fact, I’ve been presented with a couple of areas that I’ve really not been doing well in, but I’m still committed to continue…

Now, I think I feel a preachin’ coming on…

Seriously, a question that came up privately the other day was: “What is your number one marriage tip?”

Now, that can be a tricky question to answer! We all come from different backgrounds with different examples of marriage.  So specific details around daily life issues can vary from one family to another!

That considered; my number one marriage tip is to look to the proper source for your fulfillment!  Seems simple, right?  Well, it’s easier said than done!  Often times we women come into marriage after being swept off our feet by our knight in shining armor, and we have expectations of how that person is going to fulfill our inner most needs – both physically and emotionally.  It’s an expectation that no man could ever meet…plus, it’s a lot of pressure on them!

So, who is your true Knight in Shining Armor?  The One that created you before time began!  The One who knows every hair on your head!  The one who will fulfill your EVERY need!

“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19

Now, this Knight in Shining Armor does not take the place of your husband, but, your husband should never take the place of this Knight!  Put Christ first and the rest will follow! {I promise to blog more practical ideas on this later!}

My number 1.1 marriage tip?

The “S” word…

No, not what you’re thinking, but it often is thought of as a “dirty word” – SUBMIT!

When I was in my 20’s I attended a mentorship group called P.U.S.H!  {Pray Until Something Happens}  It was made up of a group of 13 young women being lead by 3 older women.  The very first meeting, one leader said, “Today we are going to talk about submission!”  I thought, “Seriously? Submission? I’m out of here!”  But I stayed, listened, and learned a bit.  Then I started putting it into practice…
I have come to realize that submission has it's benefits!  Mainly, when I submit to my husband and his desires for our family, I come to enjoy the comforting protection of being under his care. Basically I'm allowing him to be my knight in shining armor!

15 years later, I’m still practicing submission – here are some practical ideas:

*Ask your husband his opinion!  Not just with a “what do you think” and then do it your way anyway.  Really ask and then put it into practice. Ask in all areas – some he will have an opinion, some he will say he is willing to let you decide, some he will need your input in order to make a decision.

*Be willing to let it fail!  Sometimes we want our husbands to be leaders, but then we don’t actually let them lead because we don’t want the issue to be a failure in our lives.  Sometimes we need to allow our husbands the freedom to make poor decisions so that they learn and make better decisions in the future. (Sometimes a husband won’t actually move until the whole ship has sunk…while this is difficult to live through, trust that God has your best interest at heart as He is teaching your man some lessons. You will be in a better place on the other side!)
*Make “Let me check with my husband/your dad!” a daily mantra in your life! You are speaking aloud what you are putting into practice!  Be prepared for a few eye rolls or laughs if this is new, but trust me, others will catch on soon enough!

*Finally – don’t fall to temptation!  You know what I’m talking about – there is a decision to be made, and you feel very strongly that you KNOW the right answer, only this is one of those decisions that could have lasting ramifications!  So, you pretty much force the issue – usually by manipulation (crying, pouting, silent treatment, nagging, etc.)  In our house we call this “Eve-ing him into it.” Since the fall of man, we have had great influence over our men.  All I can say is: RESIST!!! 

If I know I have a strong opinion about something, I will usually give Ken a few days to think about something before I give ANY input…sometimes even saying, “I don’t want to Eve you into it!”

As promised, I do have a word for you single ladies…

Be preparing for the potential of being a wife one day!  Pray for your future husband! Practice submission – this can be towards your dad, Pastor, brother or other authority figure in your life. When considering a future spouse, consider your willingness to fall under their authority (do they make wise decisions now?) You won’t be able to change them in the future!

For those that may be called to lifetime singleness…you are a special league of women!  Do not be discouraged, but rather embrace this unique calling! Remember you’re an example to other, usually younger women!  Be intentional to live out your submission to your ultimate head as the Bride of Christ! You will be richly rewarded!

Thanks for stopping by! Be Refreshed!


  1. Are you taking the John bible study by Beth Moore because word for word this is what we talked about in our small group today, lol. Maybe I just needed a little conviction today and that's what led me to your blog this afternoon, the day before our family vacation-with my husband and his parents! Loving the blog, Lora, keep on preaching!

    We talked about how God gave us influence and what we can do with it for good or for evil.

  2. Thanks for the encouragement :) I've gotten some really nasty phone calls and letters for following Mike's leadership. But I have been so richly rewarded by God! Submission is a hard lesson to learn - but so worth the effort!!! I really love reading your blog. :)

  3. THank you for the encouraging comments ladies! Sometimes I feel like I'm "going out on a ledge", but I'm committed to following where the Holy Spirit leads!

    Erin-I'm not part of that Bible study {it sounds awesome}! I believe that God meant for you to hear that message yesterday! I will be praying for your travels and the opportunities to be submissive! :)

  4. Great message! Some of this I learned the hard way, as I expect many of us did. Sure wish I'd known it when I was younger.

  5. bwahaha! I got practice with discussing suitcases to bring on our trip, I had to remind myself to just let him make his own decisions, lol.

  6. One thing the Lord has been reminding me of lately in this area is that I am not my husband's mother. I have been gifted by God with plenty of children to parent. My husband is not one of them. If I find myself parenting him, then I'm not "wifing" him. And those are two entirely different things.