OK – so there is no easy way to brooch this subject, so
today I am diving in…
As many of you know, I often pray about what God would have
me blog about and, over the past few days; this one particular topic keeps
coming back to the surface.
Only, again, I have found myself wrestling with God! “Really, God, that isn’t a very uplifting
topic. I want people to walk away from my blog feeling refreshed, with a smile
on their face not burdened.” But, as He
always does, He reminds me that “His ways are not my ways”…I cannot fathom how
He might use my obedience to comfort someone or shed light in another’s life…so
here goes…
A few weeks ago I discovered I was pregnant!!! Our kiddos having a running joke about Lora
and Ken plus 10, so I knew they would be excited to take the traditional trip
to The Spaghetti Factory where we would make the announcement that a new
blessing was on its way.
Ken and I were excited, but both of us found ourselves a bit
guarded as we have friends who are experiencing a very difficult pregnancy and
we have been walking through the “imploring the Lord for a miracle” days with
them. We wanted to be compassionate and considerate of how our news may come to
them. Our timing would need to be well
thought out…
So, as is typical, a 28 day cycle became 30, then 35…and Ken
was asking when I would test…
One Thursday morning, I decided…OK, today’s the day…and
there was a shadow of a line. Some of you
have seen these, the “is that a line, or is that where a line would be”
result. That afternoon, Claire had a one
year check up, so I spoke with our Dr. about it. She quickly said, “Let’s do a test
here!” That test turned out
negative. She told me to wait another
day and test again…
The next day, I tested again and there was a faint positive
line – definitely a line…but very faint!
So, just to be sure, I waited a few more days and took another test…this
test had the same faint line…and, I had started spotting!
As the process of a miscarriage ensued…I found myself
distancing myself from this little one who was not to be. My thoughts began to have an indifferent
undertone. I was trying to deny my disappointment.
Then I received an email from a precious woman whom I had
ordered pregnancy tests from…her words
of comfort to me around the miscarriage spoke of not keeping this baby “at arm’s
length” in my heart.
I finally allowed the doors of healing to be opened and God
reminded and challenged me about what it is I believe about EVERY life! Since I believe that life begins at
conception, then, though this child was
but a whisper to me…he still existed…he was still my child…I will one day meet
this little one in Heaven!
Sweet friends…I know many of you have experienced the same
feelings! As I am typing, memories flood
my head. Memories of attending my sister
– in – law’s birth to a son that would not take a breath on this earth. Memories
of so many women I known who have lost a baby or babies from their womb,
memories of a friend who lost a twin but went on to birth it’s sister, memories
of my friends, my cousin, my daughter! Memories of women who made a choice to
end the life of their baby…but will forever be missing a piece of their hearts!
The purpose of every child is to glorify God!
Even those babies that we will not meet here
on earth have a purpose…
Romans
11:36 (NLT) says it this way:
“For
everything comes from him and exists by his power and is intended for his
glory. All glory to him forever! Amen.”
And I know that the
final question that most of us women ask is, “why?” “Why me?” “Why does so and so have so many
children and I don’t?” “Why are children born to women who {name the sin}, but
I can’t give birth to one?”
Ladies, I do not have
this answer! I only know that God is
Sovereign, He is your Comforter, and some things we are not meant to know the
answer to. Trust in Him! Lean on Him!
He has not abandoned you!
And, if this is a topic
that hits home for you, can I encourage you to celebrate your little ones
life? Find something meaningful, even if
small, to remember your precious blessing (s). Perhaps a plant or tree, a
necklace with that child’s birthstone, or simply a letter to them…just don’t
keep them at arm’s length…it is never too late!
Be Comforted!
*{Revised} One area I did not cover is the viewpoint of the men! Since my blog is aimed mostly to women, I tend to write toward them. I completely want to acknowledge that feelings of grief and loss are just as strong for the men as the women. Often I think men do not know how to respond in these situations...silence is not indifference! Try to keep the lines of communication open...lean in together...God can and will bring you through!
Thanks for stopping
by! Be Refreshed!
